i know i promised myself to write more on xanga, the web diary that has recorded my most pivotal moments and my development through young adulthood. i fully intend to submit future entries, but i've noticed that i have somewhat channeled my writing into yelp.
i feel the sudden urge to apologize to myself for the last six months. i've taken it easy, convinced that pneumonia made me more mature. i've avoided going out, socializing with anyone outside my tight-knit family circle, and decided that the best thing i could do was work on refining myself. the fact is, i haven't done much refining at all. i've all but checked out of graduate school, my job search has not been as relentless as i would like everyone to think, and i'm not working out nearly as much as i intended.
the realization is that i haven't necessarily become more mature; i'm more timid. when i started to halt participation in all the activities that my life was designed around, i stopped participating in life as a whole. this epiphany, as cliche as this will sound, came to me via fortune cookie. it read:
